it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
