she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
