Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
