Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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