Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
