My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
