So drunk, too bad you don't want this
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
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