Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
