just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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