ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
