I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
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can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
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Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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