yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
