So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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