Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize