Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
sex in a hospital.. check
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
