I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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