i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
