My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
