thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
