When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I wish i was in the wii world.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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