I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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