It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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