And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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