yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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