I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
