Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
