i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
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dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
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He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
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