I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
The air taste purple.
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