i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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