stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
