i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
She just used a chaser for red wine.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
