Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
