so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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