im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
