I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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