I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
