I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
