I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
