i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
