He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
