But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
