whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
