just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
