Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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