I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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