I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
