it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
