I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
