My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he shaved USA in his pubs
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
