Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
