This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
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i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
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Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s