We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
