i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!