Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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