i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap