If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
