Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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