i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm getting married
To pizza
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
