At least make sure they are 18
Why
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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