I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
