i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
