I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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