Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
