my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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