you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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