never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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