she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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